F.∂.M.ï.Ł.Ÿ...Father & Mother I ♥ You!: 3 Candles

Birthday Cake from Hubby

One day, Fen asked me what is the meaning of life.

She said everyday she is like waiting for something, waiting for the unknown tomorrow, for the future...

This reminds me of myself many years back.

When I had 10 candles on my birthday cake...

I totally had no idea of who I am when I was 10. What other people did, I follow.

Since Anita Mui was everyone's idol, so I comb my hair like her and pretended that I was her;

When some of my primary school mates started to wear glasses, they told me how cool it was; thinking that it was true, I purposely strained my eyes hoping that one day I will be able to wear glasses like them too;

When my best friend Ai Sa said we should not befriend or should only "pretend" to befriend some other classmates, because I was one of her "gang member" and I wanted to continue to be in her gang, so we started the culture of "pretend" to befriend those who are not in the gang.

Those were the days when what others said were always right (of course except what my parents said).

Then I had 2 big candles on my cake.

Being the eldest among 4 daughters from a not-so-affluent family, I was a fighter.

I was constantly fighting - to be better, to achieve something, to find myself, and perhaps to be someone I thought others would want me to be.

I knew what I want, but I was lost and uncertain of who I truely am.

I knew what I was capable of achieving, but I did not know why I want or why I do not want to do it.

I made so many bad decisions in my twenties, that some have permanently changed my life.

After STPM, I thought I wanted to be a doctor. But I was fear of blood, so I scrapped the plan last minute. The truth is, the blood phobia issue was just an excuse, I was just too lost and uncertain to decide for what I want, so I didn't proceed with the plan, and chose something easier instead.

After graduated with fairly good CGPA from local university, I thought I can be a scientist. But life in lab was kinda boring, so I abandoned my PhD plan half way. But actually the main reason was not the job being boring, but me being unsettled & rebellious, and wanting to be adventurous, so I opted for something different.

To the surprise of many, I ended up becoming a sales person, a job which I was totally not proud of in the beginning.

I told myself it's just temporary. It should just be a training ground for me to learn about business, and in the future, I am going to be a successful businesswoman, which actually I was never sure of.

Although I worked very hard in my sales career, I was unhappy and waiting...

So Fen, like you, I was looking forward to something in the future...

Maybe something better, or something great will happen tomorrow, maybe...

This year, I had 3 big candles on my cake.

I still do not know what is the meaning of life. But I think I have found myself.

Actually the job as a sales person does help in my quest of finding myself.

I know who I am, I know what makes me happy and what not; I appreciate what I have, and accept what I don't; I have learned to ignore what other people think of me, and concentrate of what I think of myself instead.

Unlike 6 years ago, I have now accepted and started to enjoy my job as a sales person. And I am on my way to becoming a full-blown businesswoman, just like what I told myself many years back.

And if not because of the mistakes that I made which lead me to the path of becoming a sales person, I will not get to know your brother-in-law, my lovely hubby.

Overall, I am a happier person at the age of 30, because I finally come to terms with myself and accept me for who I am.

Other people's things may seem great, but it's still other people's things, not ours; our house may not be big or may be leaking, but at least it's our home, it provides us with shelter and protected us from the sun and rain.

Tomorrow may seem great as there are a lot of maybes and possibilities, but tomorrow is an unknown, only today is within our grasps.

So Fen, perhaps life is a journey for us to find ourselves. As long as you are happy today, why wait for tomorrow?

Be happy always, as we only live once. :)